Hot vs. Cute

– The Guy

Sure, being a guy, there is a basic part of me that is attracted to mere outward looks, but there is more to me than that.

There is a part of me that appreciates cuteness. Most people call it the heart. Cuteness makes me grin, tease you so that you laugh, or wrap you up in a hug that makes you feel like my sister. It has a childlike attitude of freedom and innocence in a bubbly kind of way. It works best on girls who haven’t hit puberty yet. But all too often, what you are told is “cute” looks more like “hot,” the non-innocent kind of attractive. Especially if you are physically mature and still trying to be cute…

And this is what I mean by hot; in my vocabulary, Hotness is that quality that only attracts me to you physically. It is skin deep and dirt cheap. It is a quick thrill and dirty-minded.  It says “I’ll give you what you want,” rather than “protect me.” It has no thought of commitment, trust, or sweetness. It is tight, short, see-through, and gaudy. It is “look at my kissable lips” instead of “I am smiling,” and “Look at my perfect hips” instead of “I am a girl.”

There is another part that appreciates poise. I don’t know what to call it. The glossed-over replacement is nothing more than stuck-up pride, but I’m talking about the quality that has the power to make you in a plain dress more attractive than a girl on the beach with her nose in the air. Girl on the beach will probably disrespect me as much as she disrespects herself and everyone around her, but you in the plain dress have this attitude of honor that can’t be nailed down or explained. You honor yourself and those around you. You look bulletproof and calm. This attitude of honor awakens a prince inside of me, and he looks at you as a princess… And holds the door for you. You look like someone valuable beyond description, who should be protected and cherished, even if I would never dream of having you for my own.

And there is a part that appreciates beauty. Probably my soul or something way deep down inside. Beauty is different from hotness by far, and even different from cuteness because it strikes a deeper chord. A girl’s hotness lasts from about 14 to maybe 40 if you’re lucky, but beauty is something that can last forever… and it deepens with age. That’s probably why I like it so much, it’s permanent, honest, and alive. It is the way your hair falls when you haven’t curled or straightened it, but simply combed and untangled it, not that perfect haircut they want to sell to you. It is the way you smile when there are no cameras or mirrors and you think I’m not looking, not the lipstick they say you need and a perfect, plastered-on smile. It is the way the color of your shirt brings out your eyes, not the way Victoria’s Secret tries to improve you. Although hair dye and lipstick and Victoria’s Secret can help or hinder you in being beautiful, they are not alive or permanent. Maybe it would help to say that beauty has a gentle and flowing quality, where hotness stands out with a brash attitude.

Also, it helps when your shirt brings out the color of your eyes, because that is where the deepest hues of beauty is the most readily visible. And it helps me look at you in a way that makes you feel heard and valuable.

I’m going to have to leave it to your judgment to figure out how to put all that into your choice of styles… But I just wanted you to know that some of us guys actually care how you dress. We want to value you more, but it’s difficult if your style is always drawing out the animal in us.



  1. Rebecca said,

    February 9, 2011 at 2:42 am

    Very deep and very comforting. Its nice to know that there are sane and honorable guys out there. Thanks Guy.

  2. Em said,

    February 12, 2011 at 11:43 pm

    I’m not sure what you’re saying here. Are you saying girls should care how we look and TRY to look cute?

  3. Hades said,

    February 14, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    Faith in humanity now restored, I will get back to work on my math homework.

  4. Sandy Crow said,

    February 15, 2011 at 10:21 pm

    Not to seem harsh, but it’s almost as if your posts are disguising an empty message, candy-coated by “true beauty.” You haven’t actually said what true beauty should be. It sounds like you’re telling me I need to be cute instead of hot—simply because that’s how to impress guys.

  5. Myth said,

    February 15, 2011 at 10:27 pm

    I agree with Em and Sandy; I’m confused. You may not have meant it this way, but the way this reads could almost make one gather that your main message to girls is: Be cute, not hot. But you don’t want girls to think that’s most important, because it really isn’t. For example, what are the girl’s character qualities? For me, as a Christian (and I realize not everyone will agree with this 😉 ), the first and foremost of those qualities is a relationship with Christ – but anyway, does the girl have the qualities of: humility, a servant’s heart, kindness, gentleness . . . ? These matter far more than if she’s cute or if the color of her shirt brings out beauty in her eyes.

  6. The Guy said,

    February 20, 2011 at 2:38 am

    Hmm, now that I read it again with all your questions and comments in mind, it is obvious to me that I was unclear as to my goal in writing. I suppose what we have here is a perspective with no goal; merely information… Thus, major confusion about what my goal may be. Sorry everyone!

    In a nutshell, here is my goal.
    to help those who have something real inside but feel under appreciated or confused by the way they are treated or looked at by the guys in their lives. I meant to clear up what I see as a confusion between hotness and cuteness, and point out that beauty is something else entirely. It is inner beauty showing through in the way you live life – including choice of styles.

    And yes, Myth, the inner beauty is the MOST important part. Without it, dressing beautifully is mere showmanship.

    I am glad that bare perspective was enough for some of you, but I regret that I was not more complete in writing this post.

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